097 - Alfen

28-8-00 21:10:37 -0000

Childhood

I've had strong dreams as a child and up in my late teens - this made me begin the quest of dreams.

My father being very interested in spiritual matters - though not telling me a whole lot about it encouraged me to remember my dreams - and to incubate dreams.

The larger community had no interest in dreams.

Turning point

I suffered from depressions in my teens and I lived a life pretty isolated from others - and one dream particular helped me to gain some strength.

Then a few years passed without having any special interest in dreams - then after high school after my fathers death I began to explore altered states of mind with drugs, meditation and through this I found Carlos Castaneda.

The aspects that Castaneda showed about consciousness intrigued me. So I began working seriously with every day for a year or so - then I began traveling in 'reality' and it became harder to maintain focus. And here a few years later I am continuously returning to the subject of dreaming.

The drive seems to come from an urge to explore and to gain higher consciousness - but it seems to demand very high devotion :) Maybe!

Definition

It is not my definition - the dreams I have is almost strictly harmless entertainment but I do not believe that controlled dreams is in the same category.

I cannot define dreams

Now

Dreams consume a lot time in my everyday life - and I would not live without them. The discipline of remembering and sometime controlling them is fascinating.

I am not yet sure what my benefit is - like i've said before I have a natural urge now for exploring dreams and I feel bad about myself if I do not - and if I do so this urge becomes a drive that pushes me forward towards ... i don't know .... but there are some practical benefits like better concentration and nice weird flashes during everyday life :)

I don't like to define dreams anymore too much - and that I wished to do before.



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