Last change: July 11, 2005. First version created in May 22, 1996, or earlier.
My Healing Mandala
In spring 1990 I dreamt of flying high above the American continent. I was looking back at my life and concluded that I had done everything I had wanted to do. This made me feel happy but at the same time I had a strong feeling of loneliness that I couldn't explain. At the time of this dream I was 24 and interpreted my age in the dream as at least my mid-fifties. So it looked like a warning dream with plenty of time to correct whatever needed to be corrected. Although I didn't quite understand what exactly might go wrong with my life. Later it turned out that I misinterpreted the age in my dream. I felt I nearly died only four years after the dream. This dream was the first prediction of my current disease and I gave it a prominent place in the mandala.
In autumn 1992 I did a guided meditation on the heart. My heart was surrounded by a thick wall of coagulated lava. The lava exploded and I found myself lying in the middle of a very peaceful meadow. I understood that I would be forced to lead a totally different lifestyle within a few years but couldn't foresee the exact details. I gave the mandala an outer ring of lava. The green meadow can be found in the sacred center of the mandala.
Spring 1996, after more than two years of the disease, I dreamt of a man that appeared from nowhere in the kitchen of my own house and who paralyzed me right into unconsciousness. Mind you, the disease had thrown me in a dreamless and unconscious state for a period of six months. After that my dreaming function has been much below what I consider normal and I've never able to get some answers with help of my dreams. So I tend to see this man as a guard, even more because I've never been beaten by a dream character before. Originally I had him at the west entrance, but in 2005 I moved him up to the soutch entrance of my mandala.
The owl suddenly appeared to me when I was thinking of an animal that could help me recovering. Owl used to be at the south entrance of my mandala, but moved to the east entrance in 2005. So, both the man and the owl moved one position counter clockwise.
I've made a little animation of the mandala to make it slightly more realistic, closer to the actual dreams. It's rather large, but it loads fast. I have no figures for the entrances at the east and north yet, but they will come.
In hindsight it seems so obvious. I've had various impressive but puzzling dreams involving snakes. Snakes most likely have been the most recurring animal in my dreams, especially during the early years of the illness. Snakes are of course an old symbol for transformation and healing.
I probably overlooked the snake because I never really understood how to relate to animals in dreams. In 2004 Rita Dwyer introduced me to Bear, another animal with healing qualities. I'm not sure yet what my relationship is to Bear. Within a few months I had a dream where people in my dream had turned Bear against me, and I had to drive Bear away. However, in a vision in 2005, Bear turned up as a surprise quest, and everything seemed to be just fine.